Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Ghost Hunting

People seemed to enjoy my last whimsical entry about my pet rodent. Well mostly my mom. Others mentioned that perhaps instead of ranting about society and politics like I'm god's gift to this green Earth, that I could have more funny entries that were personal. HOGWASH I SAY! Well, actually it's kind of easier to write the funny stuff sometimes, and I do dislike effort... so year.

As a young lad growing up in New England, I was always intrigued and in awe of ghosts. My mom would take me to cemeteries as a kid after much pleading (yes cemeteries) where I would be decked in the finest of plastic battle ware ready to  make contact with and if necessary, battle ghosts. We might peer over the darkened cemetery for some time; adrenaline surging through my growing body until it got to be 10 minutes till my bed time at which point we would leave.  I loved the idea of ghosts and monsters growing up. I was always a fan of these guys. 

"Ghost Catchers:  Legend of Beauty"

Wait, these guys...

This yearning may have remained somewhat dormant until our newest roommate, E-dawg (Squigee's savior), entered himself upon our beleaguered household. E-dawg has had numerous bouts with the the mundane, the inane, and ghosts. He had lived in "haunted" areas and has had two ghost sightings. He has volumes of ghost related knowledge and inclinations in his lofty brain.

After quizzing my roommate with the right amount of skepticism (If ghosts are real then where do they go to take a dump? Take that!!!) the season of witching and ghoulashing bestowed itself upon us graciously. October that is. Edawgg stated that this would be a wonderful time of year to go Ghost Hunting for various metaphysical reasons, but also thats what everyone is doing all up in here.

We plotted our route through the lush neighborhood of Jamaica Plain that might have the appropriate historical conditions for ghosts and was somewhat isolated and wouldn't require much work. Our third roommate G-man, also decided that he would like to join us on our ghostly romp. We then took to gathering needed supplies.

"How many flame throwers shall each of us dawn?" I asked, after which I was reminded nicely about ghosts not having physical bodies.

"Well then how am I supposed  to punch them in the face?" which was met by sighs.

We collected flashlights and I brought my book of Psalms of course, with appropriate passages rehearsed. E-man stated that really we just needed the flashlights but I insisted that I be ready with the appropriate prayers to fend off various monster demons. I also brought my ninja turtle action figure as I just like those.

We tallied hoe to our local. E-man recorded entries into his cell phone so that we could play back any noises that we heard just like real scientists do when they collect data. We took to the trails of our site and stated in our way that we were just interested in venturing peacefully, intending to quell the murderous intentions of all those uppity spirits. E-man continued to assure me that most ghosts are peaceful usually, that they generally are trapped in some type of loop of some action that was significant to their existence (perhaps my ghost will look something like this).

As we ventured further on our search, the trees looked to be extra windy in the darkness. Branches seemed to grab at you like fingers hoping to cling to some other form of life. Perhaps they wanted a hug, or perhaps they were infested with the evil spirits that  were certainly lurking. The sky contrasted gently with the surrounding nature and the crunch of the fallen leaves and twigs (which I assumed were finger bones) became quite calming. It was peaceful.

Perhaps things were too peaceful and I started peering further, my eyes now well adjusted to the dark (as my vision is nothing but exemplary similarly to the Red-Tailed Hawk). I looked into the thickening woods thinking "hey mr. ghosty pants, where are you....?" while muttering incantations. E-Dawg was guiding us on-ward inviting spirits to make contact with us in some fashion; be it through touch, through a noise or through drinking a monster energy drink in our company. G man was gazing and conducting scientific analysis on some of the natural objects we were encountering: rocks for example. Perhaps he was seeing if they had been tainted and/ or eaten by ghosts.

Feeling something scratch at my shoulder, I violently backed up and turned toward my accosting ghost which was merely a branch of pine. I thanked  the pine tree for helping me keep my guard up, while my roommates snickered slightly. Suddenly I noticed some shifting of stuff. I quickly pointed this out to G-man who replied "those are shadows... our shadows... not a ghost."

 I had him check one more time and he restated his previous retort. I for one believe that his shadow hypothesis isn't completely falsiable. How can we test out and metaphysically determine if those moving dark shapes are shadows versus ghosts?

As we noticed the shapes follow along with our movement as they were our shadows, a deeper calm set over  us. We could see stars, some stars at least which is nice for Boston which is splattered with light. I for one think we don't need artificial light when we have the beauty of stars. I would certainly sacrifice night time livability to better be able to view the constellations. Most, if not all would agree with me. I wonder how many Ghosts haunt the rings of Saturn? We came upon a minor stream, which I could presume was the River Styx taking us into Hades. The contours of the land gently turned and twisted.

Ghosts, no ghosts or simply demon spawn, we were outside in the prettiness  of night. One usually thinks of the night as a time of death and pestilence.  Perhaps this is right, but I believe it to be also valid that  night is pretty. Seeing the calm of night, the shift in ecology, the adaptions that are taken by life, the calm encompassing a usually bustling scene; this is worth experiencing. I for one was feeling a bit pudgy and was happy to "feel the burn" as well. What a pleasant experience despite not connecting with the paranormal...

"F***,piece of Sh*%, where the f##k are the motherfuc$#ng ghosts... those bastards, I just wasted my godd** fuc**%* night. Piece of shi$, as% monkey!!!" I extolled, as we camly ventured home.

What a delightful evening.  A nice walk framed with a very nice task. Like getting homework to eat Reeses Peanut Butter Cups from a Biology teacher.

In thinking about ghosts I would pose it to any readers of this fine and hearty blog. What do you think of their existence? Have you experienced some type of ghostliness or is this all a bunch of holly cake? What might allow for ghosts?

Good night.