Saturday, December 17, 2011

Defeating Winter

Who Doesn't Want to Punch this Guy in the Face?

Winter is upon as I believe it's the month of December. Despite our freak 50 - 60 degree days, things will get cold as long we have some semblance of a regular climate  which I begin to think we kind of do in some nature. I thought it would be important to document my personal journey in trying to withstand the awful scourge of this dark and cold season, which has plagued New England at least since the 1920's. I'd also like to offer some general tips on how to keep your bodies, spirits, vitality and bodily fluids warm and energetic during such a period of terror.

Here are some hearty tips for the upcoming months. You'll be thanking me too when you're lacking in Scurvy and Dysentary. 

Winterize your House Physically and Emotionally 

Much like the zombie films in which lone survivors of humans must barricade the doors and windows to prevent the living dead from entering upon their homes, you too much barricade your house from the evil tendrils of the winter air.

-Seal up the windows with that plastic stuff real taught. Don't forget  the blow dryer to melt the double sided tape. 
-Use that weather stripping maybe.
-Put foam underneath major gaps in the doors and such. 
-You can clean your gutters as apparently this does something.
-Carpet your barren floors.
-Keep doors closed when leaving the house and leaving the heat on to some effect.
-Let light in during the day and trap it during the night time when it might otherwise leave  with SHADES!

If done right, you will be gloating in the opulence of your lessened utility bill as you imagine fat, dense  and racist molecules of cold air retreating at the might of your reinforced abode. 

Cook heartily, spicily and slowly I do say
Cooking a mighty pot roast or a chicken stir fry that is basically cooked for you while you carry about your business is an unparalleled boon on your chilled and darkened soul. Just drop the stuff in, put it on low or high depending on the meal, and it's as if magical spirits have prepared you a luscious feast upon your return. You'll definitely want to check out meals such as turkey chili. Making things as spicy as possible does even more to reinvigorate the spirits and heaten you up psychologically. The burning tells you your alive and also releases endorphins (your bodies natural pain killer) which gives you an added bounce to your existence.

Find Different forms of Exercise as one may do
The hateful cold of winter on everything warm, light and livable leaves you little opportunity to go for that jog you intend to go on after work. You can run outside in the dark with some extra layers but as we all know, the darkness gets scary. You'll have to contend with evil spirits and vicious fauna. No worries perchance. There are ways to keep your energies up somewhat creatively...

My boy Flynn from college recommend the P90X workout. Now just a little warning about Flynn: he's very talented, intelligent, affable, good humored and vivacious; so much so that we all are 1000% sure he's actually the Anti-Christ and we don't want to be around him (would you want to spend time with the anti-christ?). So he recommends P90X but would you want to do something the Anti-Christ is also doing? Hmm...

 Regardless, there are lots of other great video like workouts you can do with the space of a mere rug and maybe some weights. I also enjoy shoveling when I give it some time. If you want to feel like you're really defeating winter, what better way then to conquer the hordes of snow it bestows upon your driveway or street? Shoveling can be great exercise and I'd sometimes just shovel my street for fun, and for my conquerment of the elements. Just be careful that the crafty season does not pull out your back!!!

There are obviously gyms and then there are gyms that aren't terrible in nature like this one!!! 

Ensuring Winter doesn't get to Uppity Emotionally Speaking
This is a general tip that you New Englanders and fellow defeaters of winter might not know of. I find it very important, especially in the midst of a cold and weary day to verbally put winter in it's place. During my walk home from the T, I find it utterly crucial to "swear real good" at the vile climate and threaten it in different ways. I need to remind winter that if it even begins to to touch my sh*t, "I'll rip out it's icy gullet". This always keeps me feeling calmer knowing that winter is in check and I believe that if we collectively fend off winter in such a way as a city, it's powers will greatly weaken.

But yes, if you have a bad day, blame winter knowing that it's always meddling and give it a good bout of verbal abuse as you return home to your loved  ones.

It's in the nature of every winter creature to become more dormant during such of death. Winter birds spend less time out of their nests and squirrels spend time feasting upon the mighty bounty of acorns. Feel free to know that the climate not only makes it fine to be more sedentary,  but it might also necessitate this. So rather then going to out to all those clubs on the weekend, curl up with loved ones gently watching a wonderful cinematic film, playing a delightful board game, or continuing your chronicle into the world of The Wire while of course making graphic organizers to allow you to follow the plot threads and character development. 

This dormantation can allow you the needed rest to trudge through the misery the coming day. Be thoughtful about your moves much outside!

Watch Out for Winter's Poison Air!!!
After following the tips of sealing your home off from the outside cold and remaining more dormant, winter can play one of it's miserly moves by causing you to remain in such an un-ventilated house. It is thus vital that you ventilate your rooms for both your physical and emotional health. I can suggest two good methods, either by procuring a mighty humidifier or by developing your green thumb and planting and growing a foray of plants in your house thus infusing your home with the nature that you are subsequently robbed of. 

Plants Can Be a Useful Ally in the Battle Against Winter

These plants will release moisture through the air and can act as natural filters. I would suggest planting as many indoor house plants as soon as possible really. These plants not only can help your air but also make you happy in having another being present that meets the conditions for life. As you hydrate your plants, do remember to quench your own thirst with the practice of hydration! Winter's cold likes to fool you in drinking less water, but how can you begin to spit on February's army of snowmen if you have no liquid substrate in supply!?

Turning Your Sleeping Quarters into an Oasis of Light, Life and Hope
Improving the light conditions in your room is also important during the dark months which reminds  you sometimes of how Egypt felt during the time of the 10 plagues. Such Pestilence!!! A bright light can be acquired to give you that bounce in the morning needed to withstand January's onslaught. These lights aren't too expensive and you can start your morning reading your hearty news while eating your sturdy breakfast and having a light give you some of your needed strength for 30 minutes. This goes great with the plants I believe as they benefit from potential added ability to photosynthesize!!!

Definitely Correlated

Enjoying the Pretty of Nature
Though made exponentially more difficult, one can still venture forth into the outdoors and see some remaining survivors amongst the frigid holocaust. Upon entering into the world of nature during such a time, you might ask yourself, "What happened to the crickets, why do they chirp no more?". It's cause they're dead. "What about the buzzing of the bees?". They're dead too. "Why no butterflies gracefully flying?". DEAD or actually migrated to Mexico. "Why not even the gentle green leaves." Those green leaves are dead for good! Everythings dead.

However, everything is not dead, yet... The calm and serenityness of a winter evergreen forest can provide both hope and inspiration for us meager mortals. A hearty pine leaf lives on. Photography can still be an enjoyable endeavor most certainly, at the very least to document all the crimes against humanity winter commits. But yes do indeed, while dawning the finest down jackets, gloves and of course wool hats, go out and witness the beauty and calm that can still be present in a climate of destruction. 

Viewing a kind and gentle tree of pine can remind us that we too can survive winter

Coming Together
It is unfortunate that winter can cause us to forget about all the friendships forged during better times. However, winter is a time more then ever, where we need to come together, to enjoy and share the humanity, life and warmth that is so barren. It is a time where we need our joint energies to shovel out our snow drenched cities, towns and hamlets; to help our enterprises remain functional; to remind one another that although death is among us, we can still stand! Be ever so aware that winter will make you want to isolate yourself and to renig on your social contracts. Stand strong against such poisoned inclinations and have your neighbor over for a game of boggle, or check out a band at local nearby pub, or do carry on in watching the richness of the Wire but with friends who also might need to view such a series. Stand together or winter will surely win. 

demotivational poster OLD MAN WINTER

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